Best part about my profession!

Sometimes I feel that I have made a wrong career choice.....it's such a party-pooper! Don't get me wrong, I love what I do right now (so far so good), but it gets tiresome after a while when at a social gathering (or any other place, really), people come up to you and ask you to analyze them, read them, or help them.

So today, I had a really long day. I had some work and a session at my site today, after which I went directly for my 5-hour back-to-back classes. While returning home at 9 in the night, this massive guy sitting next to me on the subway keeps turning around to look at me. He seems about 17 years old, definitely not more than 20. He is all pimply, and eating the largest size available of Rita's Waterice...without a spoon! One thing I hate doing is talking to strangers, especially in places like elevators, public transportation, etc. So I try my best to ignore him. Unfortunately, I am not good enough at ignoring, so make eye contact for 1/10000 of a second or something and turn away.
Then he asks me, "Are you like a lawyer?" Am I wearing a powersuit? Do I have a briefcase? Are you retarded or just really immature? "Hah...no, I'm not."

Stranger: So what do you do?
None of your bidness, you hog!
I: student

I try my best to ignore him but being a...ahem....courteous person, I have trouble doing this, so I do it by avoiding eye contact. Few seconds later,

S: What do you study? Law?
Why is this person fixated with law? Does he want free consultation? Better filter my replies.
I: No, counseling psychology
Sure, his warm big piggy eyes made me specify it was counseling psychology! Ughhhhh
S: Do you know anything about autism? (Yes) Asperger's syndrome?
Oh man, I hope he doesn't ask me to be his therapist! or something worse...
I: Yeah, heard about it in my last class.
S: I am surprised because not a lot of people know about this.
D-uhh...I studied DSM-IV TR, didn't I? Honestly though, I don't exactly remember it!!!
S: I have Asperger's syndrome.
Now, that's worse than asking me to be his therapist. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to him considering I don't even want to talk to this guy?
I: Oh, I see
That's my best response? I need to work on my responses!! Better response would've been to tell him I have homicidal tendencies.
S: Yeah, good to know people out here know about it.
I: Yeah, but ADHD is way too common, as is autism.
Have to give him something now that we have shared the major details about our lives, and don't want him to think all therapists like me....indifferent.
S: I have ADD as well
Whoa! Didn't see that coming. I take back the initial retard part
I: I see. Oh well, here's my stop, nice meeting you, have a great day.
S: You too!

I walked the next 8 blocks home instead of just 2, like when I get off at MY stop!!

PS - No ethical codes were violated.

Drawing lines

Technology is a wonderful thing! In my opinion, technology is what separates us from other animals, not brains or opposable thumbs. If it hadn't been for technology, we'd still be cavemen! I don't really understand people who say they hate technology.....on their blogs! Ironic, isn't it? Needless to say, we're so deep into technology that living without it is impossible. Technology is a way of life, not an option. I have seen Amish with cell phones and laptops (they use wireless technology, not wired, like telephones), and this definitely means something!

As we all know, even the best things can become the worst if we don't use it wisely.....which almost always happens. So my question is, where do we draw the lines? Take biology, for example. We have come a very long way in knowing about our genes but we still have a very long way to go. Today, we have human-animal hybrids, a.k.a. chimeras, thanks to stem cell research. We have pigs with human blood so that certain organs can be harvested, and we have embryonic stem cells that can be used to fight diseases. In the near future, we'd be able to select what type of babies we want - we'll be able to select its eyes, its sex, even its personality! We have come so far that we don't even need men to create sperm!

So where do we draw the lines? Should we continue with stem cell research so that people with chronic ailments can have a shot at living a better life? If only things were black & white! Unfortunately, this dilemma doesn't have a solution, and therefore, we need to draw lines. In one of my classes, we were asked how we'd feel if one could select the personality of an unborn child. What do you think about the concept of choosing one personality over the other for your baby? What would you do if you could pick and choose the types of things you want in your baby, choose how she/he would look and feel?

The answer is pretty simple. I am totally against the ban on stem cell research, because if we can help someone live a better life, we should! But when it comes to topic of choosing your child's characteristics, I get a little iffy. In my opinion, being born with such characteristics is a matter of chance, but when we can select those very characteristics, we mess with nature more than we should! Imagine a world full of people with only pleasant characteristics who look similar...no diversity! Wouldn't that get boring? Is that how we're supposed to be? It reminds of that song by Malvina Reynolds,Little Boxes.... "and they came out all the same".

The other thing is that if we allow parents to choose their offsprings' physical and psychological characteristics, we'd be giving them way too much power. I could opt for a kid with Hitler's personality, or worse, Dubya's intelligence!! What if your kid hates you for choosing his physical characterisitcs? I know that nurture also plays an important role in how a child will grow up, but taking away the chance part is pretty disturbing in itself! Also, this choosing thing could be applicable to only those who can afford it and not others. This agains leads to inequality and imbalance because what this would mean is that only those with enough money can have "perfect" children with pleasant personalities, which in turn, could lead to further imbalance.

Finally, you also need to think about in terms of different cultures. There are certain cultures that value males over females, and they wish to have only male children. If such parents are able to choose the sex of their child, it could lead to extreme imbalance in this world. The female-to-male ratio in one of the states in India is about 927:1000. In China, it's about 100:120. What does this mean? In a nutshell, we're messing with nature! On a larger scale, women can be more selective in choosing partners!! But seriously, this could lead to many problems in future, including stress and other psychological problems.

Thus, technology isn't bad per se, we make it what it is! Our ancestors had a choice, we have the choice, let's try to keep it that way for generations to come!

Are we in the 12th century? (really old time, that is!)

This is one topic I HAVE to talk about, and what follows is my opinion, feel free to disagree...but not here!!

So the other day, I was talking to this person, a 60 year old woman, Mrs. X, whom I have known forever. It started off as a friendly talk and then became sort of an argument (I prefer the label "Learning experience"). It was about getting married and commitment and everything that comes with that (I'll leave it for another blog entry), and before I knew it, we were on the topic of starting a family and having kids. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like families, it's just that I wouldn't want to start my own, and definitely not as how others expect me to do it.

Anyway, so this discussion took the usual turn (usual for me) and ended at the idea of having children. Mrs. X said that I should get married once I get done with my studies so that I can have children before 35. Why? Because the risk of giving birth to an underdeveloped/ unhealthy baby increases drastically after this age, and I agree with this. But just because of this reason, I shouldn't have to give up my life, sacrifice my career or whatever it is I am after, should I? Anyway, that's another topic!

Well, the thing with me is that I have never wanted to have kids of my own, thanks to the birthing videos I watched in my child development classes!! Okay, that's a lame excuse!! Anyway, I have my reasons for not having my own babies, which I'll explain in a bit, but what I don't understand is why people are so negative about adoption. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about adoption? "Not my own blood"? "Will never feel like my own"? What is it? Explain it to me to help me understand!

So why don't I want kids of my own? Well, the very first obvious reason for why I would adopt is my family history of ailments, i.e., my genes, my heredity. Looking at my family tree, I see a lot of chronic ailments, including diabetes, osteoporosis, cancer, arthritis, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, asthma, male-pattern baldness, to name a few! Now why would I go out of my way and have a child of my own just so that he/she can inherit those diseases?? Doing that would not only make me selfish but also...well, dumb!!

So the argument here? They ask, "How can you guarantee that the child you'll adopt will not have those diseases in his/her genes?" The truth is I cannot guarantee anything, I'm not an astrologer and I cannot predict what is going to happen in the future. I don't know for sure if my offspring will inherit those genes or my adopted daughter will be perfect. But what I do know is that some unwanted child is already in this world, bad genes or not. There is nothing one can do to change this but what I can do is make his life better....hopefully. So at that moment, I have a choice - I can either give birth to a baby who will have higher chances of suffering from those ailments, but isn't here yet, or I can adopt a child who is already on this planet. Therefore, for me, this isn't an option, this is something I HAVE to do.

After this, they ask, "Why do you think so much into the future? Que Sera, Sera!!". Unfortunately, in this day and age, we have to think about the future, what with all the pressure we're putting on this planet's resources! If we don't think about the future, we're going to be the ones who will suffer. I know a couple who gave birth to a boy with a seriously degenerative disease. Before he is 10, he'll be in a wheelchair and if he is lucky enough, he won't live to see his 20th birthday. Who suffers? Obviously, the person with the disease is going to suffer but more than that, the person who gave birth to this child is going to suffer. I don't know about others, but as far as I am concerned, I don't want to carry the guilt of giving birth to such a child, at least not while also thinking about the other unwanted child whose life I could've changed.

Finally, they ask me, "If your parents had thought like you do, you wouldn't be here". That's true and I am really glad I am here, but if I wasn't, would I have known that? Would I be looking down on Earth and saying, "Oh man, I wish I was there in that world"? I guess not!

This is all I have to say about my reasons for adoption, but I still have a few questions. What is with you people who aren't open to adoption, even if it isn't you who is thinking about adoption? When you come to me and say, "Oh, I have always wanted to adopt after I have my first child", or "I will adopt because I already have a boy and I want a girl now", or "I still want one child of my own", it only makes me angrier than when you say you're not open to adoption. Why? Because by saying those things, you just exhibited your ignorance, and your trying to "fit in" and seem like unorthodox, open-minded people, when in reality, you're not. You're not open-minded because when you say those things, it just means that you're going to use adoption as the last resort, and not something that you really want. So quit being a douche and don't pretend!

And for all of you who are totally against adoption, let me remind you, we're in the 21st century - let's NOT go back, please!

This post is in no way meant to bring down people who want to have kids "of their own", it is meant to enlighten those who question why someone would want to adopt!

Featured weirdo: Jesse Jackson

Ahh....thanks to the election, we have new issues cropping up every second. And thanks to Jesse Jackson!!
It started with this:



This is Jesse Jackson speaking into a microphone he thought was off.

Few days later, he made it into the news...again! He apparently used the n-word for Obama. It was discussed on The View the next day:



Whoopi says "This is a word that has meaning when you give it meaning", and I completely agree with her. African Americans use this word when they're talking amongst themselves, e.g. "I saw that n*** the other day" without any problems, but there is a reason why it is a racial slur. It started when Whites started calling Blacks n****s in a derogatory manner. The same applies to the word f** for gays. If you're gay, you can use the term f** but if you're straight, then using that term will light a fire. When you use the term f****t to describe a gay person, what you're really trying to do is bringing him down, and hence, this term should not be used.

Some might argue that this isn't fair, and that this word should be eliminated from the dictionary altogether (as Elisabeth Hasselback on The View suggested), but the truth is that if this word didn't have a negative connotation, it would be like any other word. We are the ones who gave meaning to this word, and when it's taken away from us, we become maniacs and argue why one group can use it and other cannot. So before using the word, know the history.

As for Jesse Jackson, if he used the term n**** to refer Obama as a person, i.e. a pronoun, I don't see anything wrong with it, but if he used it as an adjective, well....Jackson's already crazy!!

Gotta love Philly!!

Things like this is what makes living in Philly so awesome. Philadelphia is one of the top 5 walkable US cities, and my neighborhood is the most walkable one in Philly!!!!
http://walkscore.com/rankings/Philadelphia

Doesn't make sense

"fresh ginger: product of China"

This is the height of....import!! Wonder how it even stays "fresh" if it's from China. How long does ginger stay fresh? Crazy, I'm tellin' ya!!!

Insects!!

I love animals..it's the insects that I can't stand!! I live on the first floor and there's a courtyard I walk through to get to my apartment, because of which I get all sorts of weird critters. House centipedes don't even come close to the wierdness....

House centipedes....those are other scary-looking insects. The first time I saw this was when I was in West Lafayette. I remember my housemate screaming after seeing this one and the only thing I could do to stop her from it was by slamming my umbrella (the only thing that was available in 5 ft. radius) on that poor creature. I squished it, she vacuumed it and for days, she didn't step in the area where it was killed!!

Last month, I saw one of those in my bath tub and didn't know what it was. Oh man, can those things run!!! So anyway, I saw this one in my bathtub about a month ago. It was the nastiest thing I had ever seen (the one I killed before blended into the carpet so I didn't know exactly what it looked like), and I got scared. So I turned on the hottest water available, and drowned it. I know...I know, you guys are probably thinking I'm mean. But hey, I was alone with this scary creature. I couldn't sleep peacefully for the rest of the night because I kept wondering if my apartment was full of these insects!!So the next day, I googled it and found out it was just a house centipede. I found it in my bathroom sink and bathtub a couple of times after that but didn't bother to kill it because they're supposed to eat other nasty crawlies. This is what it looks like.

Last week, I killed another unknown insect. I still don't know what it is though. Maybe a millipede? No idea...bottom line is that it's scary.

And therefore, I always keep Raid in my apartment!!

Gotta love the Geico 'Caveman' commercials!!!

Filling the void?

Okay, so I watch Oprah every now and then. Not saying I am hooked onto her show, but I like the topics discussed, and sometimes, it's fun to look at from a different perspective. So yesterday, I had a long day working with elderly with severe mental illness and all, and when I came back home at 5pm, I didn't have a choice but to tune in to Oprah - the only show sane enough for my taste at that time.

The topic discussed yesterday was about sperm donors and the children who came out of this and their reunion. Check it out here: http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200802/tows_past_20080208.jhtml

The show is titled "The Ultimate Reunion: When Dad Is a Sperm Donor". Here, Oprah talked to people who were conceived this way, i.e. a biological mother and a sperm-donor dad. The show revolved around how these children grow up and how these things affect them. This show featured a family where the son found out how his father wasn't his biological father and decided to search for his "real" or biological "dad". This man's father had been with him since the day he was born and treated him the same way a biological father would treat his son, or even better, but the son still wanted to know his "other side of the family".

Did he find his "real" father? Yes, he did, and now, his biological father is part of this man's life. There were other people on the show who also wanted to find out who their real fathers were and if possible, wanted a relationship with those "dads". One of the women had also found her real father and called her dad, or dad #2. In fact, most of the people featured on the show were happy about finding their biological fathers, including the wives of those sperm donors.

Now, my question is, would everyone be this open to becoming a father out of the blue? To all you sperm donors out there, when you gave your sperm for $40 a pop, did you expect a child knocking on your door 18 years later calling you dad? If not, how would you feel if they did? And this question isn't only for men, it's also for women who have their eggs harvested for donation.

My main concern aren't those who donated the sperm but children who were created out of this. On the show, they showed how a lot of those children are seeking out their biological fathers and want to know their side of the family and their family and medical history. My heart goes out to those who are the real fathers of such kids, not the biological fathers. At the same time, I also think about people who actually seek out their biological fathers and siblings.

Why do they want to seek out the family they never knew? The show also talked about the 2 people who were fathered by the same sperm-donor - number 46. Their father is merely a number and technically, they're siblings. They have never seen each other and didn't even know the other existed but now, because they know the other exists, want to meet each other and have a relationship. Hell, I know of siblings who grew up together but can't stand each other, and meet the other few minutes a year over holidays. So my question is, what makes such people long for those relationships and people?

Would people from other cultures do the same? Would people who are very happy with their lives seek out their biological siblings and fathers? Can this be applied to everyone? Would people who are satisfied with their lives and family do the same? What makes some people want to know more about their biological parents? What makes some people to believe that knowing their biological father/sibling will lead to a better life? What makes some people to think that a life without a biological father they never knew is incomplete? Are these people different from you and me, or are they the same...trying to fill the void.....