Well, it's not AS bad as it sounds........I think! I remember when I was in school and friends simply meant someone to laugh and cry with, and share your feelings with. Then came college and things remained the same.. The one thing that my undergraduate years taught me (apart from my academics) was how to communicate with people and help me become more confident. Unfortunately, being a foreign student hanging out with mostly Indian peeps did not help me that much, but it was a positive change nevertheless. And then came grad school.
Grad school was for only 2 years of my life, so there's no way I could've learned enough for it to make me ruin my life. No, it wasnt the learning that ruined my life, it was the awareness! I remember my professor telling the class that this profession will make us see things differently and once we started doing that, things would never ever be the same. (Un)fortunately, it did! I can't say where it all started but it did, and I blame (or thank) my profession for interfering with all aspects of my life! So how did it ruin my life?
For starters, I started questioning everything (for the most part). One might say that this bit is enough to ruin your life, and I agree! But if I don't question, I don't get the answers, and if I don't get the answers, I can't sleep at night. This questioning craze made me look for answers and started making me think critically. I stopped taking things at face value and that made me more aware of things around me. Yes, it ruined me forever because I cannot go back and turn that thing off. People around me got irritated because they told me something which was their opinion masked as a fact, for which they did not have a valid reason or answer. Yep, it ruined my relationships!
After those 2 years, I realized that I couldn't be around people who were superficial. Talks that did not have any depth did not interest me. You tell me that you saw XYZ thing and don't add anything more, I'm sorry but that doesn't interest me! Tell me what you learned or how you felt when you saw that thing, or at least something more to build up on that statement, but don't simply tell me you saw it just for the sake of talking about it!! I started losing interest in superficial people who were always talking about things they did over the weekend or people they met. I wanted more, I wanted to know them, their thoughts, their reactions, and all they gave me was foam that was absolutely useless! Yep, my profession ruined my social life!
Then there was the thirst for discussing ideas! I never truly understood the meaning of Eleanor Roosevelt's quote until this point of time. I was around people who bitched about other people and discussed their daily lives, but knowing people who discussed ideas was a luxury I did not have once I was done with my education. When I came back, I couldn't find anyone who was willing to talk about anything but themselves. I felt as if I was in limbo and there was no way out.....until I came across one, yes ONE person at work who could question ideas and think about them critically.
And finally, there was this need to communicate. There was a time, like everyone else, where I did not want to discuss my feelings with anyone and when I used to think that things get better when you sweep everything under the rug. After a certain point of time, I decided that I could not live with all the crap under my carpet....I simply refused to let it just sit there, this huge elephant in the room. I decided that I could not be around people who did not want to discuss their issues, and I believe I upset a few people with that attitude, but I stopped caring after a period of time because this was me....take it or leave it!!!
So yes, my profession ruined my life! I cannot live around people who are so narcissistic that all they can do, day in and day out, is post their pictures on FaceBook and wait for people to comment on them. I am different and I had realized this in school, but it took me years before I had the courage to come out (to myself) as an intellectual individual. I had to hide my thoughts in fear of people calling me a nerd or a geek. I continue living my life as a minority because most people are afraid to come out as thinking individuals. I continue being a closeted intellectual because it's scary to come out in a society that wants people to fit in and not question anything or anyone, a society that wants women to be obedient and not think for herself, and a society that would rather have superficial individuals who can brag and boast than have intellectuals who can make others think. Yep, my profession ruined my life but I think it was for the better....
