From a Closeted Feminist

Before I start off with my rant, I have a question for you (a few, actually). Who is a feminist? What defines a feminist? What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of a feminist? Are you a feminist?

 

If you answered something like……

Positive and negative terms for sexually
active men and women

• A feminist is a bra-burning crazy woman
• Feminists are women who hate men
• Feminists are lesbians
• Feminists want more than equality
• Feminists are under the illusion that equality does not exist
• Feminists secretly wish they had a dick and could sleep with anyone
• Fuck no, there’s no fucking way I’m a feminist.

……then you’re not alone.

 

You see, we live in a society where the word feminist has a negative connotation. I have heard of celebrities admitting that they are not feminists. What makes people afraid to admit that they’re feminists? To answer this question, one needs to understand the meaning of the word ‘feminism’ and understand why it came into existence.

 

I remember my undergraduate class “Psychology of Women” where the first question my recently-married (see how I have to put this in to make you understand that it’s not only lesbians or spinsters who talk about these things) professor asked us was “how many of you value females?” Almost all hands shot up (I’m sure the ones who did not raise their hands must’ve gotten some dirty looks from others). After this, Dr. Smoak added, “Look around you, all of you with their hands up in the air are feminists” It was as simple as that. It was easy. It was true! That is all I can say, if you value women, then you’re a feminist. If you admit you’re a feminist, it does not mean that you cannot be nurturing or you cannot take care of the family or that you have a want to burn bras! No, feminist means you value women as much as you value men, and you see both sexes as equal. As simple as that!

 

But is it really? I know so many people around me who use the term “feminism” in a negative way. They’re mostly men though a surprising number of them are also women. The moment I tell them that all humans are equal, they give me dirty looks. Some have gone as far as to tell me that it I must be saving a lot of money by not wearing a bra! Okay, let’s just make this one thing clear. I wear bras, I love bras, and I’ll never NOT wear them because honestly, they have supported me more than any of my friends! So no, I don’t save money that way!

 

There, I said it, I’m a feminist. Is it because I hate men? Nope, I love them in all their glory. It isn’t because I want to be like them. There are times when I enter a filthy toilet and wish I could pee standing up, but that isn’t enough to make me want to be a man! No, I’m not a lesbian. And certainly no, I do not want women to be more privileged than men. I have been a minority and have belonged to the privileged culture and I have always spoken for the minorities, so I do not think it is about power. No, I’m not a feminist for those reasons. I’m a feminist because I’m a humanist and I value all human beings regardless of their sex, ethnicity, caste, religion, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, etc. I’m a feminist because I BELIEVE that women are not treated as and considered equal to men.

What, then, is equality? Equality is when both the sexes are considered equal by all. Equality means getting the same pay for same qualifications. Equality means having the right to vote, right to drive, and right to speak your mind. When men can drive, why can’t women? When men can be promiscuous, why can’t women?

Why is it easier for someone to say that they are LGBT allies than to say that they are feminists? Why is it easier for people to stand up for racism than it is to stand up for sexism? Yes, I agree that some people may have played a part in making this term become so negative (I could easily argue about this but I’ll give this point to you), but that does not necessarily mean that everybody who stands up against sexism is “out to get men”! It is easier to accept that these women are crazy than to accept the fact that inequality exists. Same goes with arguments about other minorities. People in power would like us to believe that gender inequality does not exist and anyone who says it otherwise is delusional. But facts do not support this notion!!

So, this is where the closeted part comes in. I am not sure if I should tell the world that I'm a feminist because of everything that I've mentioned before. I'm not sure how they would react. Fuck, I'm even scared that they might come after me with torches and pitchforks!! I had a so-called friend who once said that I cannot tolerate men being superior to women and that I hated men for this. He couldn't have been more wrong because he got the reason wrong!! I only hate those (women included) who say that women are inferior to men and women cannot do everything that a man can do. Oh, and those who say that "women need to be put in their right place". Yep, so if you're one of them, don't bother coming in front of me.

On second thought, you may, because I've been forced to hide my feminist identity. I'll be a closeted feminist until the day I die, thank you very much!!

 

The D-Bags in My Profession

Where did our thinking skills go? What about questioning skills? Do we have to take everything at its face value?

 

As usual, I’m angry with some people in my profession. I’m not angry because they’re better than me but because they’re dumber and they don’t know it yet, and they’re ruining the profession for the rest of us! As they say, ignorance is bliss! It is human nature to listen to authorities because thinking causes distress and use of resources, which we don’t want to use unless we absolutely HAVE TO! So anyway, this fellow posts things on the net without any references attached to it. For example, he says something like, “long hours in front of TV cause kids to reach puberty early”. Jackass, support it with some research else you’re simply pulling things outta your ass, really! What impact does this have on people? People start to think that because this famous person who has knowledge about the world said it, it has to be true!

 

When will people in my profession realize that psychology is not based on opinions or simple observations and generalizations. It is a science where, if you have a hypothesis, you test it and then decide if it holds true under any or all circumstances, and only after doing that, you let it fly in the open. Your opinions mean shit to me. Show me a study and I might….MIGHT believe what you have to say. If you’re saying something, support it with a study, yours or anybody else’s, but a scientific study! If you cannot do that, then don’t call yourself a psychologist because you’re nothing more than a douchebag pulling things out of your ass or writing things you've heard from other without using your brains to think about it twice! You’re nothing more than a fool pretending to be a bigger fool!

Did My Profession Ruin My Life?

Well, it's not AS bad as it sounds........I think! I remember when I was in school and friends simply meant someone to laugh and cry with, and share your feelings with. Then came college and things remained the same.. The one thing that my undergraduate years taught me (apart from my academics) was how to communicate with people and help me become more confident. Unfortunately, being a foreign student hanging out with mostly Indian peeps did not help me that much, but it was a positive change nevertheless. And then came grad school.

Grad school was for only 2 years of my life, so there's no way I could've learned enough for it to make me ruin my life. No, it wasnt the learning that ruined my life, it was the awareness! I remember my professor telling the class that this profession will make us see things differently and once we started doing that, things would never ever be the same. (Un)fortunately, it did! I can't say where it all started but it did, and I blame (or thank) my profession for interfering with all aspects of my life! So how did it ruin my life?

For starters, I started questioning everything (for the most part). One might say that this bit is enough to ruin your life, and I agree! But if I don't question, I don't get the answers, and if I don't get the answers, I can't sleep at night. This questioning craze made me look for answers and started making me think critically. I stopped taking things at face value and that made me more aware of things around me. Yes, it ruined me forever because I cannot go back and turn that thing off. People around me got irritated because they told me something which was their opinion masked as a fact, for which they did not have a valid reason or answer. Yep, it ruined my relationships!

After those 2 years, I realized that I couldn't be around people who were superficial. Talks that did not have any depth did not interest me. You tell me that you saw XYZ thing and don't add anything more, I'm sorry but that doesn't interest me! Tell me what you learned or how you felt when you saw that thing, or at least something more to build up on that statement, but don't simply tell me you saw it just for the sake of talking about it!! I started losing interest in superficial people who were always talking about things they did over the weekend or people they met. I wanted more, I wanted to know them, their thoughts, their reactions, and all they gave me was foam that was absolutely useless! Yep, my profession ruined my social life!

Then there was the thirst for discussing ideas! I never truly understood the meaning of Eleanor Roosevelt's quote until this point of time. I was around people who bitched about other people and discussed their daily lives, but knowing people who discussed ideas was a luxury I did not have once I was done with my education. When I came back, I couldn't find anyone who was willing to talk about anything but themselves. I felt as if I was in limbo and there was no way out.....until I came across one, yes ONE person at work who could question ideas and think about them critically.

And finally, there was this need to communicate. There was a time, like everyone else, where I did not want to discuss my feelings with anyone and when I used to think that things get better when you sweep everything under the rug. After a certain point of time, I decided that I could not live with all the crap under my carpet....I simply refused to let it just sit there, this huge elephant in the room. I decided that I could not be around people who did not want to discuss their issues, and I believe I upset a few people with that attitude, but I stopped caring after a period of time because this was me....take it or leave it!!!

So yes, my profession ruined my life! I cannot live around people who are so narcissistic that all they can do, day in and day out, is post their pictures on FaceBook and wait for people to comment on them. I am different and I had realized this in school, but it took me years before I had the courage to come out (to myself) as an intellectual individual. I had to hide my thoughts in fear of people calling me a nerd or a geek. I continue living my life as a minority because most people are afraid to come out as thinking individuals. I continue being a closeted intellectual because it's scary to come out in a society that wants people to fit in and not question anything or anyone, a society that wants women to be obedient and not think for herself, and a society that would rather have superficial individuals who can brag and boast than have intellectuals who can make others think. Yep, my profession ruined my life but I think it was for the better....